


One and Only

by Stardust_Shadows816



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Complete with late-night talks, Crushes, First Kiss, Fluff, It gets a tiny bit angsty but it's nothing too bad, M/M, Other elders are mentioned, Your classic Mcpriceley fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:12:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stardust_Shadows816/pseuds/Stardust_Shadows816
Summary: “Feels nice, doesn’t it?” Connor said.“What, talking about stupid crushes?” Kevin replied.“No, you dummy. It feels nice to just talk and relax.”~~~~Kevin can't sleep, and apparently neither can Connor. What's a better way to pass the time than to just talk?





	One and Only

**Author's Note:**

> sO uhhhh  
> This is the first Mcpriceley fic I've done, so please don't kill me I'm just a fetus  
> 

Kevin wasn’t a night person.

It really didn’t make sense, considering how many cups of coffee he downed every single day, but the whole district gave up on that mystery a long time ago.

So to still be fully awake in the middle of the night was a bit of a surprise to him. He didn’t even have that much coffee today.

About an hour after him and the other elders all retreated for their rooms for the night, he still hadn’t fallen asleep. He tossed and turned for a bit, then looked out the tiny square window by his bed, then laid on his back to watch the wall clock above his door and count the seconds. Nothing worked, and the seconds turned into minutes, which then turned into hours.

Finally, he decided to get up at grab a glass of water. Yes, he wasn’t really thirsty, and the thought of sipping on lukewarm water alone in the darkness of the kitchen seemed pointless, but it was better than waiting for his body to magically shut off.

He stumbled past Arnold’s bed—he was a heavy sleeper, thankfully, and didn’t notice Kevin trip over a few of his books strewn on the floor—and slipped out of the room. The floorboards creaked and the hallway was narrow and hard to navigate in pure darkness, but Kevin somehow made it to the kitchen.

It felt weird, he noticed, to be there alone. Usually, the kitchen was alive with people, from Elder Schrader humming obscure tunes while cooking to Elder Davis complaining to anyone who would listen about the heat to Elder Neely ravaging the pantry loudly to find whatever food they had left.

But now, he was just sitting at the table alone with a cup of untouched water. Kevin could barely see his own hands in front of him, tapping on the table out of habit. He felt pathetic, sat in an uncomfortable wooden chair with a bedhead from shifting in his bed so much and ugly temple garments that he should’ve thrown away long ago.

“Elder Price?” The voice was barely above a whisper, and it snapped Kevin right out of the daze he was in. How long had he been sitting there?

“Sorry, I, erm, couldn’t sleep.” Kevin’s words tumbled out of his mouth before he could even see the person. He looked up, expecting Arnold, and found himself locking eyes with Elder McKinley. Even in the near-darkness, Kevin could make out the dull emotion in his eyes.

Usually, they were blank. Cold. Empty. Though he always carried an award-winning smile with him, it never reached his eyes. It was almost unsettling, seeing him lose that robot-like facade.

“That’s a first. I’ve never seen you out here at night.” McKinley moved closer, running a hand through his hair as he leaned against the wall.

With the faint moonlight trickling out of the window behind him, he looked like an angel. Kevin felt lost just looking at him, and his stomach twisted into a knot. _Oh, here I go again_ , he thought sadly.

“How about you? Hell dream?” Kevin asked a bit too late. McKinley just shrugged.

“Same as always. I’m used to it, though.” He said simply. His dark eyebags stood out more in the light, Kevin noticed.

“How long’s it been since you’ve actually gotten a full night of sleep?” Kevin motioned for Elder McKinley to sit in the chair across. He did, practically collapsing in the seat.

“A few weeks or so,” he laughed weakly. Kevin opened his mouth, but McKinley interrupted him. “And before you can tell me how bad my sleeping habits are, I already know. I still at least _try_ to sleep.”

Kevin raised his eyebrows. “Clearly not, if you get up in the middle of the night every day to just sit here.” That made McKinley smile; a real, honest smile. It made Kevin’s own lips curl up, too.

“I’m just a walking disaster, Elder. I can barely manage to think properly—how do you expect me to sleep?” Elder McKinley threw his hands up in mock exasperation. It made Kevin laugh.

“Let’s just drop the labels, okay? It feels like we’re all still in the church, walking around and calling each other ‘elder’. I’m Kevin. Just Kevin.” He sighed, sticking out his hand stupidly. McKinley looked at him for a moment, pausing before reaching over to shake his hand. It was warm.

“I’m Connor. Just Connor.” He smiled that real smile again. Kevin held on a second too long, before pulling his hand back with a cough.

“Connor? That’s a nice name,” he said dumbly. Elder—no, _Connor_ — let out a chuckle. 

“It’s alright. Kevin’s a pretty nice name, too.” He replied, folding his arms on the table and leaning forward. Kevin could make out the tiny freckles lining his forearms.

“Well,” Kevin smiled. “It’s alright.”

They both laughed, and Kevin found himself looking too long at Connor again.

“So, did you have a hell dream?” Connor looked directly into Kevin’s eyes like he always did when speaking to Kevin and Kevin only. It made him feel special; or maybe he just liked attention.

“No, I haven’t had one in a while. I just can’t fall asleep.” He said. Connor’s eyes filled with understanding.

“Must be nice,” he replied with a sad smile. “I would’ve thought that all the rules you’re breaking nowadays would catch up to you.”

“Are yours about your—your gay thoughts?” Kevin asked hesitantly. No matter how far from the church he strayed, he knew Connor still had that self-hate engraved in him.

“Well, yeah. Being a… _gay_ Mormon comes with consequences, sadly.” Connor’s voice caught on the word ‘gay’ like it was still a curse.

“So are you embracing it? Being… gay, I mean,” Kevin shifted in his chair. Maybe if Connor did it, he could, too.

“I’m trying to. It’s hard, y’know, with what I’ve been taught—but I really want to come to terms with it. I want to be someone I’m proud of, and if this is truly who I am, then so be it.” Connor’s face softened, and he looked almost hopeful.

“No, yeah, I get it. I guess I’ve been dealing with that too.” The words were out of Kevin’s mouth before he knew it. Connor’s eyes lit up.

“You have? How long?” He moved forward, and he looked _excited_. It felt almost unnatural to see even a small burst of emotion with him, but it made Kevin’s heart skip.

“A couple months, I think.” He nodded.

“So a little while after you arrived here? Are you having thoughts about a _person_?” Connor asked with widened eyes. It felt like Kevin was being interrogated.

“Well, erm, I guess you could say that,” Kevin’s face was warm. Was he really going to discuss crushes with his district leader in the middle of the night?

“Well, um, if… if you wouldn’t mind me asking,” Connor blinked, as if waking up, before sitting back and folding his hands with a flushed face. “Can you tell me who?”

Kevin really didn’t want to say it. Connor looked like he was trying to burn a hole in the wall behind Kevin with his eyes. Oh god, could he not be more painstakingly obvious?

“It’s not really important,” Kevin muttered. Connor nodded dully; Kevin let his gaze fall to his cup of water that he knew he wasn’t going to finish.

“Sorry.” Connor said quietly after a couple awkward minutes. “I shouldn’t have tried to get involved.”

“Don’t be; it’s fine.” Kevin shook his head. What would happen if he just said it out loud? _Actually, my gay thoughts about someone are very important! And guess what, Elder! You’re that someone!_

“I mean, I get how you feel. Thoughts… erm, _crushes_ are weird things.” Connor chuckled lightly. Kevin could feel his eyes back on him again, but Kevin couldn’t find the strength to look up and meet those pretty blue-green eyes.

“God, I feel like a fucking 10-year-old girl now.” Kevin laughed. Connor raised his eyebrows a bit at Kevin’s language (he still refused to swear, bless him), but his mouth still curled into a smile.

“Feels nice, doesn’t it?” Connor said.

“What, talking about stupid crushes?” Kevin replied.

“No, you dummy. It feels nice to just talk and relax.”

Kevin didn’t really know how to reply to that in a straight way. “Yeah, I mean, you’re really cool. I like hanging out with you.” _Goddammit,_ he thought, _that sounds too gay_.

Still, Connor let out a giggle—do boys giggle?—and nodded. “Thanks, Kev. You’re probably the best person to talk to here.”

Kevin, no, _Kev_ , as Connor had called him, beamed. “Thanks, Con.”

“Con? I’ve never heard that before. I thought only best friends had nicknames for each other.” Connor smiled slyly. Kevin shrugged.

“Guess that makes us best friends, then. Kev and Con, best friends.” He said. It sounded stupid, yeah, but they were two maybe-sorta-kinda-gay white boys sitting in a kitchen in the middle of the night in fucking _Africa_. They deserved a break.

“Kev and Con, best friends.” Connor echoed. His eyes gleamed, crinkled slightly at the edges in that cute way when he smiled, and Kevin swore—and probably would, if he had the time—that he could write a whole book talking just about those eyes.

“We’ll have a whole TV show where we sit here at 2 AM every day and talk about crushes. It’ll be great.” Kevin didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. He just wanted to see that pure, happy smile on Connor’s face until he’d memorized every detail of it.

“You’re such an idiot, you know?” Connor said; he was trying to sound annoyed, but the way his eyes were still lit and how the corners of his mouth twitched betrayed him.

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot.” Kevin felt like a fire had been started in his head the moment the words rolled off his tongue. His face burned. His hands clenched subconsciously. His head was filled with flashing thoughts of _oh my god, oh my god, oh my god_ , and _I picked the absolute_ worst _time to say anything_ , and _I fucked up_. And he really did.

Connor froze for a second. He never did that. Connor always had something to say, something to lash back with, _something_ to leave Kevin scrambling for words. He never just stopped in his tracks.

“Really?” Connor sounded so casual, but his smile was gone. His eyes were clouded with something Kevin couldn’t make out; not that he was any good with telling Connor’s emotions, anyways.

“Sorry, I—that was way out of line. I’m sorry, really.” Kevin stumbled over his words, grateful that the dim lighting didn’t let Connor see the extremes of his blushing. Connor’s mouth opened slightly, then closed. He brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly.

“It’s no problem,” he smiled. Kevin couldn’t tell if it was real or not. Connor had gotten quite good at faking emotion.

Kevin nodded stiffly, not saying anything—what were you supposed to say after something like this?—and let his eyes wander to study Connor’s arms. Nobody ever looked at _arms_ , after all. Connor’s were lightly freckled, with barely-noticeable red hairs and a little more tan than the first time Kevin had met him.

His eyes trailed up to Connor’s face, his mouth set in a thin line that meant he was thinking, his soft blue eyes focused on the ground, his eyebrows drawn in with a little crease between them. Why were they both acting so weird over something stupid Kevin said?

But Connor looked up, his eyes meeting Kevin’s, and they stared at each other for a few seconds too long. Half of Kevin felt awkward and creepy; the other half loved it.

“So what do you miss the most about America?” Connor blurted out, breaking the moment.

“Well, I…” Kevin paused to think, a little stunned by the sudden question. “I really miss air conditioning. Like, a lot. Also my family, I guess.” That made Connor laugh.

“You guess? They’re your _family_ , Kev. There’s no ‘I guess’ whether you miss them or not.” Connor gave him a questionable look, raising his eyebrows.

“I just haven’t thought about it much, really! Besides, I want to know what _you_ miss the most.” Kevin had a half-smirk playing on his lips.

“Hmm,” Connor hummed as he sat back and crossed his arms. He scrunched up his face in intense thought, then snapped his fingers. “I really, really miss the food.”

Kevin let out a little laugh. “Just the food? Not even family? They’re your _family_ , Con.” He mocked Connor, who let out an affronted gasp.

“Well, maybe I just don’t miss my family.” He said defiantly. Kevin laughed, but still felt a twinge in his heart. _What did Connor mean by that?_

“So they really were that bad, huh?” He asked. Connor just shrugged like Kevin was asking about something stupid like the weather.

“Certainly not the best. It’s bad, y’know, growing up as a gay boy who likes to dance and sing in a strict Mormon family. It was a pain just to find time to myself to practice.” He said nonchalantly, but there was a layer of discomfort under it. Maybe Kevin wasn’t so bad at telling Connor’s emotions, after all.

“At least you have people now, right?” Kevin replied. Connor gave him a quizzical look, and Kevin added “I mean, everyone here supports you and who you are. You don’t have to hide or pretend to be fine or anything like that anymore. We all love you.”

Connor blinked, almost in disbelief, before giving Kevin a small smile. “Thank you. Really, Kevin. That means a lot to me.”

Kevin nodded, and Connor continued with a little sigh. “It’s hard for the others too, dealing with all these changes and questioning the things engraved in their lives. But they’re trying, I can tell. Schrader takes every opportunity he can to cook for everyone. Zelder keeps a journal of stories he’s writing. Hell, Chris and James are open and proud about their relationship. They’re all finding ways to cope.”

“You care about them a lot, don’t you?” Kevin asked softly. He felt ten years older, like he was a father discussing his children instead of a teen gossiping about his fellow (ex?) Mormon missionaries. But still, it made him feel responsible. Like he was in charge, too.

“Oh yes, of course. At times, it seems like they’re more of a family than my real one ever was. I would do anything to help them.” Connor said with no hesitation. His eyes took on a look of care and love, like a mother. What a weird family they were.

“Is that why you started turning off your feelings? To try and act strong in front of them?” Kevin inquired.

“Well, erm, yes. I didn’t want them getting worried. We were a group of white teenage boys stuck in the middle of Uganda, after all. I had to step up and be a leader, which included more than just telling them what to do. I was whoever they wanted me to be; therapist, father, brother, doctor, whatever. I just—I just needed to be the anchor in all of this mess.” Connor’s little smile faded.

“You… you do realize you don’t have to do that anymore, right?” Kevin asked quietly. Connor gave him a defeated look—definitely a look Kevin grew to hate. It meant Connor gave up. He submitted. He let himself get crushed under the weight of everything again.

“They still need a leader, Kevin. We’re not safe. We didn’t win the game. We’re still here in a place where people are attacked daily, and bugs eat your flesh, and you could... you could die for being gay. I can’t just do what I want to do all of a sudden.” Connor reasoned. Kevin clenched his jaw.

“You deserve a break, Connor. You need to come to the terms that you need help, too, and that we’re all safe—happy, even. We’re here and alive and happy, and there’s no need to worry anymore.” Kevin fired back.

“Kevin, you don’t understand,” Connor clenched his hands—a nervous habit of his that Kevin always noticed. “This won’t last forever. Sooner or later, something will go wrong and they’ll need someone there. I have to do all that I can to ensure that everyone’s happy and safe. Hell, it’s my freaking _job_.”

“Look at everything! Nothing’s going wrong! Everyone _is_ happy and safe, but you aren’t!” Kevin didn’t know why he was getting louder. He wasn’t trying to argue, he just wanted Connor to _understand_.

“Kevin, please, I need to—“

“Accept the fact that you need help?” That shut Connor up. But god, if there was one thing Kevin was horrible at, it was learning where to stop. “Stop hiding your every little feeling? Look around and see that you don’t need to try and help everyone? Actually _enjoy_ your life?”

He regretted it as soon as he said it. Kevin had crossed a line, he could tell.

Connor didn’t say anything. He just brought a hand up to shield his face, bowing his head with a shaky breath. Kevin could see him trembling.

“Hey, Connor, I—god, I’m so sorry, I honestly didn’t mean—I mean, this is my fault and I started this whole fucking—“ Kevin started tripping over his words in an attempt to apologize, but Connor lifted his head and looked straight at Kevin. There were tears threatening to fall in his eyes.

“You didn’t do anything. I-it was me, I’m the one who just can’t… who just c-can’t seem to stop and listen and do _something_ , anything, to help myself and—“ He cut off as a tear rolled down his pale cheek, burying his face in his hand again. He tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob to Kevin.

“God, I always get so… _emotional_ at night.” He shook his head, tears rolling down freely. “I—I’m sorry I ruined this. I thought maybe we could talk and just enjoy it, and I could enjoy being _myself_ , but—but I don’t know why I always have to go, a-and ruin things and make you worried, and—and I-I’m sorry, Kevin.”

“Hey,” Kevin said in a hushed voice, grabbing one of Connor’s shaking hands. Connor immediately softened at the touch, and Kevin continued. “Connor, you—there’s so much for you to love about yourself, really. And you don’t have to try and do anything right now, but all I’m asking for is that you please lift your head and look around at how good everything is right now.”

Connor let out a gasp, shaking his head again and asking weakly: “What’s there to love?”

“So, so, _so_ much, I promise. Your hair. Your freckles. Your eyes. The way you care so much about everyone, to the point where you forget yourself. How you get up early to practice dance routines and plan events. How… how _beautiful_ you look when you smile.” Kevin didn’t have to think twice to start listing everything he loved about Connor McKinley—well, maybe too much.

“You… you think I’m beautiful when I smile?” Connor looked up, mouth parted slightly. Kevin shrugged, immediately hit with a wave of embarrassment.

“Well—I mean, you just look so _happy_ , and I—I mean, I’m not trying to say anything, I just—you’re—you, erm, just look amazing when you smile. That’s it.”

“That’s sweet of you to say,” there was a smile on Connor’s face, and goddammit, beautiful was an _understatement_.

“I mean, it’s true.” Kevin said with his own grin.

Connor’s smile brightened, despite the glimmer of tears on his cheeks. It made him look like he was glowing, and his voice was so sweet, and he was still holding Kevin’s hand so _tenderly_. “You—god, I just—I love you.”

Now it was Kevin’s turn to drop his jaw. All he could muster was a confused “what?”

Connor blinked, smile fading as his eyes widened. “I just, erm, I—well, I didn’t…” he stammered.

Before he could even register what Connor meant, Kevin was pulling him in by the hand and pressing his lips against Connor’s—and immediately felt like his whole brain had dissolved and a million fireworks had gone off in his chest; and he loved it. He loved _Connor_.

_Is this how everyone felt while kissing? Why did Kevin wait so long for this?_

Letting out a surprised sound at first, Connor then sank into the kiss. He moved forward, raising his free to cradle Kevin’s cheek lovingly. It felt like Kevin’s whole face was lit aflame by the touch.

Really, it only lasted about a minute, and Kevin was the one to pull away. He opened his eyes, which he realized he’d kept closed the whole time, and studied Connor’s face.

He was staring back at Kevin, eyes wide and mouth still slightly parted, and his hand was still resting on Kevin’s face. There was a dark blush covering his cheeks, and Kevin could feel his own face heat up. God, he really was a fucking idiot. Connor had literally been _sobbing_ a couple minutes ago.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I—I don’t know why, I mean, you probably didn’t mean it like—oh, I ruined it—Connor, I—“

“Hey,” Connor cut Kevin off, brushing his thumb lightly over Kevin’s cheek. “Don’t be sorry. I… I liked that.”

“Wait, so you… actually liked it?” Kevin raised his eyebrows, and Connor let out a little scoff.

“Well, duh. I said I love you, you idiot.” He was smiling now, and Kevin gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

“So you wouldn’t mind if I…” He moved forward, mere inches from Connor’s face. Connor nodded, pressing his lips to Kevin’s.

It was just as good as their first kiss, Connor’s thumb still rubbing Kevin’s cheek as Kevin brought up his own free hand to graze the back of Connor’s neck. Connor let out a little sigh in between kisses, and Kevin could feel the breath on his own lips.

They kissed for a few more minutes, and Kevin was seriously worrying that his whole body would melt right then and there when Connor pulled back.

“That was…” His voice drifted off and he let out a soft laugh, pressing his forehead to Kevin’s. “That was amazing.”

“It was,” Kevin replied. He couldn’t find the words to explain the warmth rising in his chest, or the feeling of flying and being engulfed in water at the same time, or even just how much he loved Connor.

So does that make us… y’know?” Connor whispered.

“Boyfriends?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah,” Connor agreed. “Boyfriends.”

Kevin paused, letting the word sink in. Boyfriends. Dating. _In love_.

“Yeah, I—I’d like that.” He smiled.

“So I guess that makes me your boyfriend,” Connor laughed again.

“I guess it does, huh?” Kevin said. “Does this mean I can give you cute nicknames and hold your hand and kiss you 20 times a day?”

“Well, obviously! Gosh, my boyfriend is such a dork.” Connor snorted, pulling his head and hand back. Kevin grinned like an idiot, taking in the fact that Connor called him his boyfriend. This was real. _They_ were real. And if Kevin’s body wasn’t so heavy and tired, he’d probably run around screaming it to the skies.

“And my boyfriend hasn’t slept in like, a week.” Kevin noted. “We probably need to get some rest so we don’t end up passing out in the middle of the day tomorrow.”

Connor let out a groan. “You always ruin the moment. We just started dating, and you’re already telling me what to do.”

“It’s for your own good, you know. I can’t exactly talk to you when you fall unconscious out of nowhere because you thought sitting in the kitchen all night long was a good idea.” Kevin said jokingly.

“But I’ll be all alone,” Connor whined. “Chris is sleeping in Church and Davis’ room.”

  Kevin was starting to catch on. “You want me to sleep with you, then?”

Connor raised his eyebrows. “I—I mean, only if you want to. We just started—well, it’s a little awkward, but—“

“Sure. It’ll be like a sleepover.” Kevin smiled. Connor laughed.

“Sorry, but I don’t have time to stay up and talk about boys. I’m actually feeling tired now.” He said, standing up.

Kevin gave him an ‘I told you so’ look, getting up from his own chair. He held out his hand to Connor, who took it without hesitation and led Kevin to his room—somehow without either of them falling over in the darkness.

Connor and Chris’ room was much cleaner than Kevin and Arnold’s. There were no stray books or shirts on the ground, and the beds were made. Connor let go of Kevin’s hand to go to his own bed, untucking the sheets.

Kevin laid down in the other, which was mere inches away from Connor’s bed. He turned to his side and met Connor’s eyes staring back.

“Goodnight,” he mumbled. Kevin could see how tired he was, but Connor still slid a hand out from under his blanket towards Kevin. He took it, and they held hands over the little gap between the beds.

“Night.” Kevin replied sleepily, suddenly aware of how heavy and tired his body felt. How long had he been talking to Connor?

Connor closed his eyes, the lines in his face smoothing out as his body relaxed. Kevin struggled to stay awake just to watch Connor for a few minutes, and couldn’t resist a smile.

In the moment, Kevin’s half-asleep brain couldn’t fully register what had just happened in the kitchen. He knew it would hit him in the morning, that Connor loved him and he loved Connor and they’d kissed—and now they were _dating_. Connor was his _boyfriend_.

“I love you,” Kevin whispered before letting his eyes fall closed. Right before they did, though, he saw Connor’s lips curl into a small smile.

_I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> This originally started out as practice, but I'm pretty happy with it.  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (OOF and title is taken from the song One and Only by Cuco! Check it out it's good)


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